A Hat-Seller Tale (with a new twist)

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they hat taken all his hats.

The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys, were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat; the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to his mind.

He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So He finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.

He remembered his grandfather's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said: "You think only you have a grandfather!!!???"

What you miss...

Don't let precious things slip through your daily routine.

A violinist stood at a metro station in Washington DC. It was a cold January morning (in 2009). He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes.

During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through, most of them on their was to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the child stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time.

This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32.

When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musician in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organised by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.

The outlines were:
In a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
Do we stop to appreciate it?
Do we recognise the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musician in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

Jokes from around the world

Top Joke in Australia
 
A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.

His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha, a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your  mother.''

The young man again brought three more names to his father but ended up frustrated because the response was still the same.

So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''

His mother smiling said to him, ''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of
those girls.  You're not his son.
 

Top Joke in Northern Ireland  

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient. The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.  'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?' The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

Top Joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!' The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.


Top Joke in USA

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.' The man then replies: 'Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.'


Top Joke in England

Two weasels are sitting on a barstool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!' The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' The other says, 'Go home dad you're drunk.'     

FIRST GRADE

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had 25 students in her class.

She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses............until they stop running.
2. Strike while the................................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before...............Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never Underestimate the power of ......termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but ..... how?
6. Don't bite the hand that ....................looks dirty.
7. No news is.......................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a .................... Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new ........ math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll .......stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust ................................. me.
12. The pen is mightier than the ............pigs.
13. An idle mind is........................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's ............pollution.
15. Happy the bride who.... ................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ..........................not much.
17. Two's company, three's ................. the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ...you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..... you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as ........... Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ....Spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed ............ get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you ... see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind ......... get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one! (and this from a first grader?)

25. Better late than.................................. pregnant.

The Teddy

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth.

Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... He is a joy to be around.."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's.

His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume . But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to."

After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy.

As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets.."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married.

He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs.Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

Why I love this Doctor (Humor)‏

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you
Get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The Two Frogs-Story about Encouragement

Turn A Deaf To The Negative Folk - Version 2

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.

The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die.

He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?"

The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.

This story teaches two lessons:

1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path. The power of words...
It is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way.

Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.

Motivation??

the Most Important Part of the Body

My mother used to ask me what is the most important part of the body? Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct Answer.

When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I said, 'My ears, Mommy.'

She said, 'No. Many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon.'

Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer.

So this time I told her, 'Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be our eyes.'

She looked at me and told me, 'You are learning fast, but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are blind.'

Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge and over the years,

Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer was, 'No. But you are getting smarter every year, my child.'

Then one year, my grandfather died. Everybody was hurt. Everybody was crying. Even my father cried.

I remember that especially because it was only the second time I saw him cry.

My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say our final good-bye to my Grandfather.

She asked me, 'Do you know the most important body part yet, my dear?'

I was shocked when she asked me this now. I always thought this was a game between her and me.

She saw the confusion on my face and told me, 'This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you were wrong and I have given
you an example why.

But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson. 'She looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. She said, 'My dear, the most important body part is your shoulder.'

I asked, 'Is it because it holds up my head?'

She replied, 'No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or a loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my dear. I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it.'

Then and there I knew the most important body part is not a selfish one. It is made for others and not for yourself. It is sympathetic to the pain of others.

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did . But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.

The origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings a blessing to everyone who passes it on.

Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you always know they are there.

Share this with a friend, I just did..

taken from my mailbox today

The Meaning of Life

On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Unconditional Love

A true story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco, “Mon and Dad, I’m coming home but I’ve a favor to ask. I have a friend I’d like to bring home with me.”

“Sure, they replied, “We’d love to meet him.” “There’s something you should know,” the son continued, “He was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us.”

“I’m sorry to hear that son maybe we can help him find some where to live.”

“No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us.”

“Son,” said the father, “ You know what you’re asking; Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live and we can’t let something like this interfere with our lives.

"I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He’ll find away to live on his own."

At that point the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him.

A few days later, however they received a call from the San Francisco police.

Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide.

The grief –stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him but to their Horror they also discovered something they didn’t know their son had only One Arm and One Leg.

There are parents in our story one like many of us. We find it easy to Love those who are Good-Looking or fun to have around, but we don’t like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable.

We would rather stay away from people who aren’t as healthy beautiful or smart as we are.

We conquered outer space but not inner space.

It is my weakness if I look at the weakness of others. There’s a miracle in us called Love that dwells in the heart.

Of you can not Love the person whom we can See, How can you Love GOD whom we cannot SEE.. Rig Veda

PM Ellamaran

45 Lessons of Life

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio :

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12.. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind..
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

Extract of Mr. Narayana Murthy's Speech during Mentor session

Interesting but rare and unusual to hear this from a CEO of No.2 IT company in India...

..I know people who work 12 hours a day, six days a week, or more. Some people do so because of a work emergency where the long hours are only temporary. Other people I know have put in these hours for years. I don't know if they are working all these hours, but I do know they are in the office this long. Others put in long office hours because they are addicted to the workplace.

Whatever the reason for putting in overtime, working long hours over the long term is harmful to the person and to the organization. There are things managers can do to change this for everyone's benefit. Being in the office long hours, over long periods of time, makes way for potential errors. My colleagues who are in the office long hours frequently make mistakes caused by fatigue. Correcting these mistakes requires their time as well as the time and energy of others. I have seen people work Tuesday through Friday to correct mistakes made after 5 PM on Monday. Another problem is that people who are in the office long hours are not pleasant company. They often complain about other people (who aren't working as hard); they are irritable, or cranky, or even angry. Other people avoid them. Such behaviour poses problems, especially in an area like IT, where work goes much better when people work together instead of avoiding one another.

As managers, there are things we can do to help people leave the office. First and foremost is to set the example and go home ourselves. I work with a manager who chides people for working long hours. His words quickly lose their meaning when he sends these chiding group e-mails with a time-stamp of 2 AM, Sunday.

Second is to encourage people to put some balance in their lives. For instance, here is a guideline I find helpful:
1) Wake up, eat a good breakfast, and go to work.
2) Work hard and smart for eight or nine hours. (This is important)
3) Go home.
4) Read the comics, watch a funny movie, dig in the dirt, play with your kids, etc.
5) Eat well and sleep well.

This is called recreating. Doing steps 1, 3, 4, and 5 enable step 2. Working regular hours and recreating daily are simple concepts. They are hard for some of us because that requires personal change. They are possible since we all have the power to choose to do them.

In considering the issue of overtime, I am reminded of my oldest son when he was a toddler. If people were visiting the apartment, he would not fall asleep no matter how long the visit, and no matter what time of
day it was.

He would fight off sleep until the visitors left. It was as if he was afraid that he would miss something. Once our visitors left, he would go to sleep. By this time, however, he was over tired and would scream
through half the night with nightmares. He, my wife, and I, all paid the price for his fear of missing out.

Perhaps some people put in such long hours because they don't want to miss anything when they leave the office. The trouble with this is that events will never stop happening. That is life -- things happen 24 hours
a day.

Allowing for little rest is not ultimately practical. So, take a nap. Things will happen while you're asleep, but you will have the energy to catch up when you wake.

Inggris

FOUR ALL WHO REED AND RIGHT IN ENGLISH...

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say
methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
 

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example ... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?

By radinfbr

Three Wishes of Alexander The Great

There is very instructive incident involving the life of Alexander, the great Greek king. Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning home. On the way, he fell ill and it took him to his death bed.

With death staring him in his face, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no consequence. He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last adieu.

But, he had to accept the fact that his sinking health would not permit him to reach his distant homeland. So, the mighty conqueror lay prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to breathe his last.

He called his generals and said, "I will depart from this world soon, I have three wishes, please carry them out without fail." With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their king's last wishes.

"My first desire is that," said Alexander, "My physicians alone must carry my coffin."

After a pause, he continued, "Secondly, I desire that when my coffin is being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard be strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury."

The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's rest and continued. "My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept dangling out of my coffin."

The people who had gathered there wondered at the king's strange wishes. But no one dare bring the question to their lips.

Alexander's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart. "O king, we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?"

At this Alexander took a deep breath and said: "I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt.

I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that no doctor can really cure any body. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of death. So let not people take life for granted.

The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the graveyard is to tell people that not even a fraction of gold will come with me. I spent all my life earning riches but cannot take anything with me. Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.

And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty handed I go out of this world." With these words, the king closed his eyes. Soon he let death conquer him and breathed his last.

Ellamaran Murugiah

Li-Li and her Mother-in-Law

A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, 'Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.' Li-Li said, 'Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do. 'Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, 'You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious.

Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to be actively friendly towards her. 'Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.' Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, 'Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.'

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. 'Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.'

There is a wise Chinese saying: 'The person who loves others will also be loved in return.' God might be trying to work in another person's life through you.

After all you have got nothing to lose but a lot to gain. 'A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one.

Bik Wing Chung

Art Of Relationship

TRUST
Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A female telephone operator received a phone call one day. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operateo answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".


NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"

The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.


CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one. "The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need a television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.


NO OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.


RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." In the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered, " You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.


PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison.

A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?" Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked beside them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of the family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wide quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggle. They lost their balance adn fell into the river.

You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.


BE PATIENT
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged studs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home and committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or you wished to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and hurt feelings often can's. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes, We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.


From my email today

This Is Good

An old story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"

One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.

About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.

As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."

"No," his friend replied, "This is good!" "What do you mean,'This is good'? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?" "If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you."



Laurence F. Orbach

The Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said "you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one." You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later.

Cleber Paulino de Oliveira

Shake It Off and Step Up

A parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule. The mule fell into the farmer's well. The farmer heard the mule 'braying' -- or whatever mules do when they fall into wells. After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer felt sorry for the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened and asked them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery.

Initially, the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck him. It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back: he should shake it off and step up! This is what the old mule did, blow after blow. "Shake it off and step up... shake it off and step up... shake it off and step up!" he repeated to encourage himself.

No matter how painful the blows, or distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought "panic" and just kept right on shaking it off and stepping up! You guessed it! It wasn't long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well! What seemed like it would bury him, actually end up blessing him. All because of the manner in which he handled his adversity.

Luzvimindo Joselito

The Imperfect Life

Don't expect perfection from yourself nor from anyone else.
Perfection does not exist in this imperfect world.
A certain amount of care or pain or trouble is necessary for every man at all times.
Many great things can be expressed in a simple word, such as freedom, justice, honour, duty, hope.
The simple things are always hard.
He who hides reality, and always wants to be seen as perfect, easy-going, etc, will be accumulating tons of weight.
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your father was.
Look at life through the wind-shield, not the rear-view mirror.
Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped.
If you're heading in the wrong direction, you are allowed a U-turn.
Be nice to people on you way up, because you'll need them on your way down.
Care and take actions to those who look up to you for encouragement and to those who need you at their side.
Always keep in mind of those who show you encouragement when you are down.
While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself.
Let all your words be kind, and you will always hear kind echoes. Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.
People may doubt what you say or what you are, but they will believe what you do.
While you meet something beautiful, the first thing you should do is to share it with your friends anywhere, so that these beautiful things will be able to spread out literally around the world.

YY Tseng
2009-03-08

My Brother, the Saviour

Despite a life plagued by ill health, it is the most unlikely of things that strikes down this writer's brother.

By Hemanta K. Sarkar

I got out of bed early in the morning on Oct 5, 1995, with a bitter taste in my mouth, wondering what happened to my brother, Chandu.

Only a few minutes earlier, I had been peacefully asleep in my apartment in Houston, United States, when the telephone rang. It was my father, calling from India.

"Could you come home?" Baba said in a whisper, "Chandu is in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit)."

Later that morning, I received a telegram from a friend - it said, "Chandu expired. Come soon."

After a long flight and another six hours on a train, I finally reached Jamshedpur 40 hours later. Throughout my journey, I kept thinking about Chandu.

From his childhood days, Chandu suffered from asthma. Sometimes, these attacks were life threatening. He learnt yoga at an early age and practiced it religiously to keep his asthma-related problems under control.

When he was 26, he started having excruciating back pain. Medical misdiagnosis made things worse, and he was bedridden for several months. It took months of treatment and two years of rehabilitation before he was able to lead a near-normal life.

When I reached home, I found Maa sitting on the floor in front of a framed picture of goddess Durga, the one she kept in her worship room. She was crying her heart out and asking the goddess why she took her son's life.

I sat down next to Maa, embracing her. She cried louder. I noticed Baba standing silently in a corner. A few other people - family, friends and neighbours - were sitting or standing in the hallway.

I was still in the dark. So I went to Baba and asked what happened. Without uttering a word, he handed me a couple of newspapers. I noticed the red-ink marked articles and read them several times. Later that night, after talking with several other people, the whole story became clear.

Every autumn, Bengalis all over India and abroad worship goddess Durga in a four-day long celebration, known as the Durga Puja. In Jamshedpur alone, hundreds of neighbourhoods organise and celebrate this festival every year, and welcome the goddess with much fanfare and gusto.

On that fateful October afternoon, after the celebration ended on the fourth day, the neighbourhood Durga idol was loaded onto the back of a truck for immersion in the nearby river. Thirty children also rode the back of the truck along with the idol. Men and women followed on foot as it slowly headed towards the river. It was time to bid farewell to the goddess until next autumn.

Suddenly, the back panel of the idol, which was decorated with tinsel ornaments, came in contact with a live high-voltage electric wire carrying 10,000 volts of current. Immediately, sparks flew and the idol burst into flames.

Pandemonium broke out. Children riding the truck panicked, men and women started running and shouting. The driver stopped the truck but the sparks continued.

Chandu and another man, Roy, quickly jumped on the truck, grabbed the children and started shoving them off. Suddenly, Roy was thrown off as if some strong force had pushed him hard. Minutes later, Chandu, as he grabbed th elast child, was also thrown off the truck.

Still holding the child in his arms, he fell. He hit the pavement and blood began oozing out from the back of his head. He was rushed to hospital, and was immediately taken to the ICU. But all efforts to save his life failed.

Miraculously, Roy survived the fall, though most of his toes on his left foot were badly fractured. All 30 children who were riding the truck also escaped the jaws of death.

The morning after I arrived home, Chandu's body was brought from the morgue to our home for the last time. Hundreds of people - relatives, friends, neighbours and people I did not recognise - came to bid him goodbye. They laid flower bouquets and garlands on his body.

Maa, sitting next to Chandu's lifeless body, gently moved her hands over his face, chanted hymns and cried. Baba showered Chandu with perfume - my brother loved smelling good. I stood in a corner and watched.

Chandu appeared to be sleeping peacefully, his eyes half closed, just like when he took an afternoon nap.

While performing the last rituals at the river bank before cremation, I discovered six large dark brown marks on Chandu's body. "Electrical burns," explained one of my friends, "It's in the autopsy report." Apparently Chandu received those burns while trying to save the children. And with the last child in his arms, he received the fatal jolt of electricity that ruptured his lungs and caused the fall that broke his skull.

As Chandu's body burnt on the pyre, the weather changed abruptly - winds started blowing, dark clouds appeared from nowhere, and then it started raining heavily, as if Mother Nature had joined our sombre gathering to bid Chandu goodbye.

On that fateful autumn afternoon, my brother's bravery cost him his life. His untimely death broke my mother's heart, for she lost her favourite child. But his deed made many parents happy.

Even today, when we meet the parents of the children he saved, they always smile to express gratitude for their children's life. The children may not remember what my brother and Roy did, but the parents will. for as long as they live.

Taken from Starmag 12 July 2009

The Track Not Taken

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.

The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make.................



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Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally.

But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place? Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.

This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are.

The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that the track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track!

Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.

'Remember that what's right isn't always popular...and what's popular isn't always right.'

Everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils.

From my email today

Programmed to Stay 2

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0.  What I have noticed is a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewellery applications, which had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.  In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as Sport 7.3, NFL 3.2 and Tennis 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Your faithfully
Desperate Susan

---------------------------------------------
Reply from Tech Support

Dear Desperate Susan,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2.  Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.  But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files.

DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce viruses into the Operating System.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance.  I personally recommend Home Cooking 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5.  Finally consider applications such as Lingerie 6.9 (which has been credited with improved performance of his hardware).

Good Luck
Tech Support

True Heaven

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog had been dead for years. He wondered where the road would lead them.

After awhile, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble.

At the top of a long hill, the wall was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. As the man stood before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like it was made of mother of pearl. The street that led to the gate looked like it was paved with pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" he asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend come in too?" the traveller asked, gesturing toward his dog.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The traveller thought for a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going.

After a long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there."

The reader pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveller gestured to his dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveller filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to his dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" the traveller asked.

"This is Heaven," was the answer.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveller said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the okace with the golden street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad that they use the name 'Heaven' like that?"

"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

Sent ti Starmag by Dr Manoharan Krishnan

Stale State of Mind

Long ago, there was an old man who lived in a village. Although very poor, he was the envy of many because he had a beautiful white horse. Kings had approached him and offered huge sums of money for the horse.

But the man would always say, "To me, this is not a horse. He is a person, a friend. How can you sell a friend?"

One morning, the man found his horse missing from the stable. The villagers gathered round and proclaimed, "You foolish old man! We knew that someday, the horse would be stolen. It would have been better if you had sold it. What a misfortune!"

He replied: "Don't go so far as to say that. Simply say that the horse is not in the stable. That's the fact; everything else is judgment. I don't know if it's a misfortune or blessing. Who knows what's going to happen next?"

People laughed at him. They'd always known that he was a little crazy. But after two weeks, suddenly one night, the horse returned.

He had not been stolen; he's just escape into the wild. And what's more, he brought a dozen wild horses back with him.

Again the people gathered and said: "Old man, you were right. It was not a misfortune. Indeed, it has proven to be a blessing."

"Again you are going too far," he answered. "Just say that the horse is back. Who knows whether it is a blessing or not? If you read a single word in a sentence, how can you judge the whole book?"

This time, the people could not say much, but deep inside, they thought he was wrong because he now had 13 beautiful horses.

The old man's only son began to train the horses. But a week later, the boy fell from a horse and broke his legs. The people gathered around once more and exclaimed: "Yes, you were right! It was a misfortune. Your son, who is your only support, has lost the use of his legs. Now you are poorer than ever."

"You are obsessed about passing judgment," the man said, "Don't go that far. Say only that my son has broken his legs. Life comprises of fragments and you don't get more than you can handle."

It happened that a few weeks later, the country went to war and all the young men in the village were conscripted by military. But the old man's son was spared because of his crippling leg injury.

The villagers wept because they knew theirs was a losing battle and that most of their young men would never come home.

They went to see the old man and said: "You were right. Your son's fall has proved to be blessing. He may be a cripple but he's still with you. Our sons are gone forever."

"You go on and on, judging. Nobody knows for sure! Only say this - Yous sons were forced to join the army while mine is not. Only God knows whether this is a blessing of misfortune."

Judgment reflects a stale state of mind. Once you start judging, you stop growing.

Sent to Starmag by Timmy Say

Prayers Answered

A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, deserted island. The survivors, not knowing what else to do, agreed that they have no other recourse but to pray to God.

However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they decided to divide the territory between them, thus each would stay on opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship sank nearby, and the only survivor was a woman, who swan to his side of the island. On the other side, there was nothing.

Soon, the first man prayed for a house, clothes, and more food. The next day, like magic, all these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. He boarded the ship with his spouse and decided to leave the second man behind.

He considered the man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to sail off, the first man heard a booming voice which seemed to come from way above his head: "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"

"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them, His prayers were all unanswered, so he does not deserve anything."

"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings."

"Tell me," the first man said, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?"

"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."

Sent to Starmag by Jaysheila Manoharan

Work Smart

An old man who lived in Idaho wanted to hoe his garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. He wrote a letter to the boy and described his predicament.

Dear son,
I'm feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I am just getting too old to be digging up the garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you will dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad.

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don;t dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Son.

The next morning, at four, FBI agents and the local police showed up at the old man's house and dug up the entire garden. They found nothing, apologised, and left.

That same day, he received another letter form his son.

Dear Dad.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That the best I could do, under the circumstances.
Love, Son.

Sent to Starmag by Wong Miaw Lee

No Taking Words Back

One day, a good woman said something that hurt her best friend of many years. She regretted it immediately and would have done anything to take back those thoughtless words. Close as she and her friend were, she hadn't considered the effects of her hasty action.

What the woman said hurt her friend so much that she herself felt the pain she had caused. In an effort to undo what she had done, she went to a village elder for advice.

The older woman listened patiently to determine just how sincere she was, then asked: "What are you willing to do to repair the damage done?"

The answer was heartfelt: "Anything!"

"There are two things you need to do to make amends. The first is extremely difficult.

"Tonight, open a small hole in each of your best feather pillows. Before the sun rises, you must place one feather on the doorstep of each house in the town. When you are through, I'll tell you the second task."

The good woman hurried home to prepare for the chore, even though the pillows were very expensive and dear to her. All night long, she worked alone in the cold, going from door to door and placing a feather on each doorstep, taking care not to miss a single house.

Her fingers were frozen, and the wind was so sharp it caused her eyes to water. But she trudged through the streets, thankful there was something she could do to set things right again.

Finally as the sky was getting bright, she placed the last feather on the doorstep of the last house. Just as the sun rose, she returned to the village. She was exhausted, but relieved that her efforts would soon be rewarded.

"My pillows are empty. I placed a feather on the doorstep of each house."

"Now," said the wise woman," go back and refill your pillows. Then everything will be as it was before."

The young woman was stunned.

"That's impossible! The wind blew away the feathers as soon fast as I placed them on the doorstep! You didn't say I had to get them back. If this is the second task, then things can never be the same again."

"That's true," said the wise old woman.

"Never forget. Each of your words is like a feather in the wind. Once spoken, no amount of effort, regardless of how heartfelt or sincere, can ever get them back into your mouth again. So choose your words well and guard them, especially in the presence of those you love."

Sent to Starmag by Y2Khay