A butcher watching over his shop is surprised when a dog walks in. He shoos it away, but soon enough, the creature comes back. As the butcher walks towards it, he spots a note in its mouth, which reads: "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please?"
The dog has something else in its mouth. The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a RM10 note! He takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. Quite impressed by now, he decides to close shop and tail the dog home.
The dog walks down the street and when it gets to a level crossing, it puts the bag down, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. When the green light comes on, it walks across the road, with the butcher close behind.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and stops to look at the timetable. It halts the bus by pulling its left leg up, and then hops on board, with the butcher following suit. The dog shows the conductor a ticket tied to its collar. It then sits beside the driver, and looks out throughout the ride. As the vehicle nears a bus stop, the creature stands up and starts wagging its tail.
Then, without waiting for the bus to stop, it jumps out and scampers to a house by the road. The dog opens the big iron door gate and makes for the front door.
Suddenly, it changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, beats its head on the pane several times, jumps off, then walks back to the front door, and sits down to wait.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts swearing at and kicking and punching the dog. Shocked, he runs to stop the guy.
"What in heaven's name are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on tv!"
To which the guy shouts: "You call that clever? This is the second time this week the stupid dog has forgotten his key!"
Sent to Starmag by Terence Wong
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The Farmer's Watch
One day, a farmer realised that he had lost his watch in the barn, It was of sentimental value to him, so he looked high and low for it. After a long, futile search, he enlisted the help of a group of kids playing outside the barn. He promised them that the person who found it would receive a RM20 reward.
The kids rushed inside and poked around the stacks of hay. Still, no one could find the watch.
Just as the farmer was about to give up and call of the search, a little boy asked for another chance to search again. The farmer looked at him and thought, "Why not? After all, this kid looks sincere enough." So the boy hurried back into the barn.
After a few minutes, he came out holding the watch in his hand! The farmer was both happy and surprised, so he asked the kid how he managed to find the watch when everyone else had failed.
"I did nothing but sit on the ground and listen. When I heard the ticking of the watch, I just followed the sound."
Sent to Starmag by Jane Neelambaaran
The kids rushed inside and poked around the stacks of hay. Still, no one could find the watch.
Just as the farmer was about to give up and call of the search, a little boy asked for another chance to search again. The farmer looked at him and thought, "Why not? After all, this kid looks sincere enough." So the boy hurried back into the barn.
After a few minutes, he came out holding the watch in his hand! The farmer was both happy and surprised, so he asked the kid how he managed to find the watch when everyone else had failed.
"I did nothing but sit on the ground and listen. When I heard the ticking of the watch, I just followed the sound."
Sent to Starmag by Jane Neelambaaran
The Smallest Gesture Counts
One day, a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a figure in the distance. As he got closer, he was that the figure was a little boy who was repeatedly reaching down to pick something up from the sandy floor and then gently throwing it into the sea.
Approaching the boy, the man asked, "What are you doing?"
The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they'll die."
"Son" the man said, " don't you realise that there are miles and miles of sand and hundreds of starfish? You can't possibly make a difference with what you are doing."
The boy listened politely to the man and then bend down to pick up yet another starfish. Throwing it into the surf, he smiled at the man and said, "I make a difference for the ones I throw back."
Sent to Starmag by Hen Yune Yin
Approaching the boy, the man asked, "What are you doing?"
The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they'll die."
"Son" the man said, " don't you realise that there are miles and miles of sand and hundreds of starfish? You can't possibly make a difference with what you are doing."
The boy listened politely to the man and then bend down to pick up yet another starfish. Throwing it into the surf, he smiled at the man and said, "I make a difference for the ones I throw back."
Sent to Starmag by Hen Yune Yin
Escape Ruse
A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and resentful about her situation, she decided that she would rather die than live another year behind bars. Over the years she had become good friends with one of the caretakers. His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who had died, in a graveyard just outside the prison walls.
Each time someone died, the caretaker would ring a bell, which could be heard by everyone. He then got the body and put it in a casket. Next, he would go to his office to fill out the death certificate before returning to nail the casket lid shut. Finally, he would put the casket on the wagon and take it out to the graveyard for burial.
The woman, who knew this routine, devised an escape plan which she shared with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, she would leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were kept. She would then slip in and lie beside the body while the caretaker filled out the death certificate. When he returned, he would nail the lid shut and carry the coffin out of the prison, with the woman inside. He would then proceed to bury the coffin.
The woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe until later in the evening, when the caretaker would return under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, and set her free.
Initially, he was reluctant to go along with the plan. But since he and the woman had become good friends over the years, he agreed.
The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison died. She was asleep in her cell when the bell rang. She got up, picked the lock of her cell, and slowly walked down the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of times; her heart was pounding.
She opened the door to the room where the coffins were kept. After some groping in the dark, she found the one that contained the body, climbed into it and pulled the lid shut.
Soon she heard footsteps, followed by the pounding of nails. Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin, she knew that with each nail, she was one step closer to freedom.
The coffin was lifted onto a wagon and taken out to the graveyard. The woman could feel it being lowered into the ground. She didn't make a sound as it hit the bottom of the grave with a thud.
Finally she heard the dirt hitting the top of the wooden coffin, and she knew that it was only a matter of time before she would be free again. After several minutes of absu\olute silence, she began to laugh. She felt free!
Then, feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find out the identity of the prisoner beside her. To her horror, she found herself staring at the stiff caretaker!
Many people believe they have life all figured out. But sometimes, things just don't turn out the way they plan.
Sent to Starmag by Pola Singh
Each time someone died, the caretaker would ring a bell, which could be heard by everyone. He then got the body and put it in a casket. Next, he would go to his office to fill out the death certificate before returning to nail the casket lid shut. Finally, he would put the casket on the wagon and take it out to the graveyard for burial.
The woman, who knew this routine, devised an escape plan which she shared with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, she would leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were kept. She would then slip in and lie beside the body while the caretaker filled out the death certificate. When he returned, he would nail the lid shut and carry the coffin out of the prison, with the woman inside. He would then proceed to bury the coffin.
The woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe until later in the evening, when the caretaker would return under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, and set her free.
Initially, he was reluctant to go along with the plan. But since he and the woman had become good friends over the years, he agreed.
The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison died. She was asleep in her cell when the bell rang. She got up, picked the lock of her cell, and slowly walked down the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of times; her heart was pounding.
She opened the door to the room where the coffins were kept. After some groping in the dark, she found the one that contained the body, climbed into it and pulled the lid shut.
Soon she heard footsteps, followed by the pounding of nails. Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin, she knew that with each nail, she was one step closer to freedom.
The coffin was lifted onto a wagon and taken out to the graveyard. The woman could feel it being lowered into the ground. She didn't make a sound as it hit the bottom of the grave with a thud.
Finally she heard the dirt hitting the top of the wooden coffin, and she knew that it was only a matter of time before she would be free again. After several minutes of absu\olute silence, she began to laugh. She felt free!
Then, feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find out the identity of the prisoner beside her. To her horror, she found herself staring at the stiff caretaker!
Many people believe they have life all figured out. But sometimes, things just don't turn out the way they plan.
Sent to Starmag by Pola Singh
Size Up the Facts First
One fine day, a bus driver went to the garage, started his vehicle, and drove off along his usual route. No problems at the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and the ride was smooth.
At the next stop, however, a hulk of a guy got on. Six-foot-eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back of the bus.
Did I mention that the driver was five-three, and quite meek? Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about his getting a free ride.
The next day, the same thing happened: Big John got on the bus, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. He did the same the next day, and the one after, and so forth. This grated on the driver, who started losing sleep over the way his passenger was taking advantage of him.
Finally, he could not take it any longer. He signed up for body-building courses, karate, judo, the whole works. By the end of the summer, the driver had become quite strong. On top of that, he felt really good about himself.
The following Monday, when Big John got on the bus and said, "Big John doens't pay!", the driver stood up, glared back at his passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, the burly man replied, "Big John has a bus pass."
Make sure there really is a problem first, before you start working hard to solve it.
Sent to Starmag by Thanavalli Rajaretnam
At the next stop, however, a hulk of a guy got on. Six-foot-eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back of the bus.
Did I mention that the driver was five-three, and quite meek? Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about his getting a free ride.
The next day, the same thing happened: Big John got on the bus, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. He did the same the next day, and the one after, and so forth. This grated on the driver, who started losing sleep over the way his passenger was taking advantage of him.
Finally, he could not take it any longer. He signed up for body-building courses, karate, judo, the whole works. By the end of the summer, the driver had become quite strong. On top of that, he felt really good about himself.
The following Monday, when Big John got on the bus and said, "Big John doens't pay!", the driver stood up, glared back at his passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, the burly man replied, "Big John has a bus pass."
Make sure there really is a problem first, before you start working hard to solve it.
Sent to Starmag by Thanavalli Rajaretnam
Things Could Be Worse
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made and everything picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom".
Fearing the worse, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:
Sent to Starmag by Juliana Phang
Fearing the worse, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:
Dear Mom,
It is with this great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with dad and you.
I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice - even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion, mom. I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy. He owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us, and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy that we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!
Don't worry, mom. I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day, I'm sure we'll be back to visit you so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Julie
P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Sent to Starmag by Juliana Phang
Why Love is Blind
A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, virtues and vices floated around, not quite knowing what to do. One day, all of them were gathered together, and feeling more bored than ever.
Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide-and-seek!" Everyone liked the idea and immediately, Madness shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!"
Since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started counting, "one, two, three ..."
As Madness counted, the vices and virtues ran off to look for places in which to hide.
Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon, while Treason hid in a pile of garbage.
Fondness curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the centre of the earth.
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake instead, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking.
Madness continued to shout out: "... 79, 80, 81... " By then, all the vices and virtues were well hidden except for Love. Fickle as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.
Madness counted, "... 95, 96, 97 ..."
Just as he got to 100, Love jumped into a rose bush. Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
Laziness was the first to be found, because he did not have the energy to hide. Then Madness spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake, and Passion at the centre of the earth.
One by one, Madness found them all, except for Love. He was getting desperate. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness, "He is in the rose bush."
Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the bush. He jabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop.
Love appeared from the bush, with both hands covering his face. Blood oozed from his eyes and trickled down his fingers. Madness had stabbed out Love's eyes with his pitch fork.
"What have I done? What have I done?" Madness screamed. "I have blinded you! How can I repair the damage?"
Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you really want to do something for me, you can be my guide."
And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.
Sent to Starmag by Aileen Wang
Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide-and-seek!" Everyone liked the idea and immediately, Madness shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!"
Since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started counting, "one, two, three ..."
As Madness counted, the vices and virtues ran off to look for places in which to hide.
Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon, while Treason hid in a pile of garbage.
Fondness curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the centre of the earth.
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake instead, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking.
Madness continued to shout out: "... 79, 80, 81... " By then, all the vices and virtues were well hidden except for Love. Fickle as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.
Madness counted, "... 95, 96, 97 ..."
Just as he got to 100, Love jumped into a rose bush. Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
Laziness was the first to be found, because he did not have the energy to hide. Then Madness spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake, and Passion at the centre of the earth.
One by one, Madness found them all, except for Love. He was getting desperate. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness, "He is in the rose bush."
Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the bush. He jabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop.
Love appeared from the bush, with both hands covering his face. Blood oozed from his eyes and trickled down his fingers. Madness had stabbed out Love's eyes with his pitch fork.
"What have I done? What have I done?" Madness screamed. "I have blinded you! How can I repair the damage?"
Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you really want to do something for me, you can be my guide."
And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.
Sent to Starmag by Aileen Wang
The Time Account
Say there is a bank that credits your account every morning with RM86,400. Every evening, the bank deletes whatever remains of this that you have failed to use during the day. It does not carry over any balance from day to day.
What would you do if you had such an account?
Draw out every sen, every day, of course!
Well, each of us has such an account. Its name is TIME.
Every morning, Time credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever that you have failed to put to use. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.
Each day, Time opens a new account for you. Each night, it burns whatever remains in the account. If you fail to use up all of the day's deposits, you can't keep them for tomorrow. Neither can you draw from what will be put in the next morning.
Time's clock runs non-stop.
To realise the value of one year, ask a student who has failed a grade.
To realise the value of one month, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realise the value of one week, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realise the value of one hour, ask two lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realise the value of one minute, ask a traveller who has just missed his train.
To realise the value of one second, ask the motorist who has just avoided an accident.
To realise the value of one milisecond, ask the athlete who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it the more because you have shared it with someome special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember that time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!
Sent to Starmag by Liz Chong
What would you do if you had such an account?
Draw out every sen, every day, of course!
Well, each of us has such an account. Its name is TIME.
Every morning, Time credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever that you have failed to put to use. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.
Each day, Time opens a new account for you. Each night, it burns whatever remains in the account. If you fail to use up all of the day's deposits, you can't keep them for tomorrow. Neither can you draw from what will be put in the next morning.
Time's clock runs non-stop.
To realise the value of one year, ask a student who has failed a grade.
To realise the value of one month, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realise the value of one week, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realise the value of one hour, ask two lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realise the value of one minute, ask a traveller who has just missed his train.
To realise the value of one second, ask the motorist who has just avoided an accident.
To realise the value of one milisecond, ask the athlete who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it the more because you have shared it with someome special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember that time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!
Sent to Starmag by Liz Chong
A Matter of Packaging
A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months, he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing that his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of the big day, his father called him into his study and told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and how much he loved him. His father then handed him a beautifully-wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with his name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your money, you give me a Bible?" He then stormed out of the house, leaving the gift behind.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and a wonderful family. Then, realising his father would now be very old, he thought perhaps he should go home for a visit. He had not seen him since that graduation day.
But before he could make any arrangements, he received a telegram telling him that the old man had passed away and willed all his possessions to him. The young man was needed to return home immediately to take care of things.
When he arrived home, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's papers and came across the still-new Bible - just as he had left it years ago. With tears brimming in his eyes, he opened it and flipped through the pages, As he was reading, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with a dealer's name - the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired.
On the tag was the date of his graduation, and these words: "PAID IN FULL".
How many times do we miss blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?
Sent to Starmag by Jesslyn Mok
As graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of the big day, his father called him into his study and told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and how much he loved him. His father then handed him a beautifully-wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with his name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your money, you give me a Bible?" He then stormed out of the house, leaving the gift behind.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and a wonderful family. Then, realising his father would now be very old, he thought perhaps he should go home for a visit. He had not seen him since that graduation day.
But before he could make any arrangements, he received a telegram telling him that the old man had passed away and willed all his possessions to him. The young man was needed to return home immediately to take care of things.
When he arrived home, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's papers and came across the still-new Bible - just as he had left it years ago. With tears brimming in his eyes, he opened it and flipped through the pages, As he was reading, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with a dealer's name - the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired.
On the tag was the date of his graduation, and these words: "PAID IN FULL".
How many times do we miss blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?
Sent to Starmag by Jesslyn Mok
Written in Sand or on Stone
Two friends were walking through the desert. At some point during the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other on the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying a word, he wrote in the sand: "Today my best friend slapped me on the face."
They continued walking until they came to an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started to drown, but his friend saved him.
After he had recovered from the ordeal, he wrote on the stone: "Today my best friend saved my life."
The friend who had slapped then saved him, asked: "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, But now, you write on a stone. Why?"
The other replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase the hurt away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, so that no wind can ever erase the deed."
Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your blessings in stone.
Sent in to Starmag by Cindy M.T.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying a word, he wrote in the sand: "Today my best friend slapped me on the face."
They continued walking until they came to an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started to drown, but his friend saved him.
After he had recovered from the ordeal, he wrote on the stone: "Today my best friend saved my life."
The friend who had slapped then saved him, asked: "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, But now, you write on a stone. Why?"
The other replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase the hurt away. But when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, so that no wind can ever erase the deed."
Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your blessings in stone.
Sent in to Starmag by Cindy M.T.
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