Don't Mess With Her!

Here's a tale with a moral about li'l old ladies.

A police patrolman pulls an elderly woman motorist over for speeding and approaches her car.

Old woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Patrolman: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old woman: Oh, I see.
Patrolman: May I see your licence, please?
Old woman: I'd show it to you but I don't have one.
Patrolman: You don't have a licence?
Old woman: Nope, lost it four years ago for drunk driving.
Patrolman: I see.... May I see your vehicle registration papers, please?
Old woman: I can't show them to you.
Patrolman: Why not?
Old woman: I stole this car.
Patrolman: Stole it?
Old woman: Yes, and I killed the owner and hacked his body to pieces.
Patrolman: You what?
Old woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see them.

The patrol cop keeps his eyes on the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, several police cars arrive and circle the old woman's car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Senior officer: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle, please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Old woman: Is there a problem, sir?
Senior officer: one of my patrolman called in to report that you had stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Old woman: Murdered the owner?
Senior officer: Yes, could you open the boot of your car please?

The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Senior officer: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old woman: Yes ... (reaches into her handbag) here are the registration papers.

The senior officer is surprised.

Senior officer: My man also claimed the you did not possess a driving licence.

The woman digs into her handbag, pulls out a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer examines her licence and finds it perfectly in order. He looks quite puzzled.

Senior officer: Thank you, ma'am. My man reported that you didn't have a driver's licence, that you admitted stealing this car, and you confessed to murdering and hacking the owner to pieces.
Old woman: I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Moral of the story - don't mess with old ladies!

Sent to Starmag by Grace Lim