The Price of Growing Old

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and had a set of hearing aids fitted.

A month later, he went back for a check-up and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied: "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

******

Two gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 and just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim replies: "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a newborn babe?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth ... and I think I just wet my pants."

******

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house. After the meal, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

One of the man turned to his friend and said: "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

"What is the name of the restaurant?"

The man thought hard and finally said: "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know ... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one." He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

******

During a check-up, the doctor tells a couple that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" his wife asks.

"No, I can remember that."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget."

"I can remember - you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that. Want to write it down?"

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down. Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles to the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, he returns and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment, then asks, "Where's my toast?"

******

Eighty-two-year-old Morris went to the hospital to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw him walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

Some days later, the doctor asked Morris: "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

"Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

"I didn't say that! I said, 'You've got a heart murmur - be careful!'"

Sent to Starmag by S.P. Chin