Programmed to Stay

Last year, I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Smoking 10.3, Boozing 2.5 and Saturday Night Pubs 5.0 no longer run, and the system crashes whenever they are selected. I cannot keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favourite applications like Night Club 4.3, Dance 'n' Drunk 2.0 and Bachelor Party 7.77/

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the Un-install does not work on this program. Once I tried to Un-install Wife 1.0 but got this error message, "General Protection Fault in module House Security", after which the Un-installation aborted.

The following is a reply from Tech Support:

Dear Software Engineer,
Ref: Upgrade from girlfriend to wife
This is a very common problem men complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is actually an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely that you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to Un-install, delete, or purge Wife 1.0 from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 bacause Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have even tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual - which was given to you at the time of registration with Wife 1.0 - under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support".

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having installed Wife 1.0, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's).

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE. In fact I would suggest you use this command every time Wife 1.0 crashes on your system. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but requires very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0 or Movies 4.5. Do not, repeat DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Visual Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

A recent survey says that Add-Od software like Dress 2.0, Jewels 3.0, and A Long Holiday at a Beach Resort 1.0 are the best Third Party tools that supports the Wife 1.0 program to run smoothly and effectively.

Regards,
Technical Support, Wife Software Inc.

Sent to Starmag by Rosemary Tan