In a nutshell...

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner.

Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now." "Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"

The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."

First seen in Starmag or my email, not too sure. now in someone's blog post

http://art-harun.blogspot.com/2010/11/in-nutshell.html?spref=fb

The Little Rules of Life

Sing in the shower.
Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
Leave the toilet seat in the down position.
Never refuse homemade brownies.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Plant a tree on your birthday.
Learn 3 clean jokes.
Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full.
Compliment 3 people every day.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Leave everything a little better than you found it.
Keep it simple.
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Floss your teeth.
Ask for a raise when you think you've earned it.
Overtip breakfast waitresses.
Be forgiving of yourself and others.
Say, "Thank you" a lot.
Say, "Please" a lot.
Avoid negative people.
Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.
Wear polished shoes.
Remember other people's birthdays.
Commit yourself to constant improvement.
Carry jumper cables in your truck.
Have a firm handshake.
Send lots of Valentine cards.
Sign them, "Someone who thinks you're terrific."
Look people in the eye.
Be the first to say hello.
Use the good silver.
Return all things you borrow.
Make new friends, but cherish the old ones.
Keep a few secrets.
Sing in a choir.
Plant flowers every spring.
Have a dog.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Stop blaming others.
Take responsibility for every area of your life.
Wave at kids on school busses.
Be there when people need you.
Feed a stranger's expired parking meter.
Don't expect life to be fair.
Never underestimate the power of love.
Drink champagne for no reason at all.
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
Don't be afraid to say, "I made a mistake."
Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know."
Compliment even small improvements.
Keep your promises no matter what.
Marry for love.
Rekindle old friendships.
Count your blessings.
Call your mother.

by H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Patience

On one occasion, the Buddha was invited by a brahmin for alms to his house. As invited, the Buddha visited the house of the brahmin. Instead of entertaining Him, the brahmin poured forth a torrent of abuse with the filthiest of words.
The Buddha inquired:-
'Do visitors come to your house, good brahmin?'
'Yes', He replied.
'What do you do when they come?'
'Oh, we prepare a sumptuous feast.'
'If they fail to turn up?'
'Why, we gladly partake of it.'
'Well, good brahmin, you have invited me for alms and entertained me with abuse which I decline to accept. Please take it back.'

:: Ash Greig's 10 Steps to Live Like You Were Dying ::

I recently lost a friend to cancer. We were not that close, but enough for me to learn a painful lesson about life, unfortunately at her expense. It was only after she passed on that it hit me: life is short, and if one doesn’t seize each moment, it’s gone forever. When I grow old, I don’t want to think back on my youth and wander if I had made the right choices or did all that I should have. I didn’t want any regrets.

I realized that the only way for one to be truly contented is to live free, and live life. Many people take it for granted that there will always be a tomorrow waiting. Things don’t work that way – if you’re meant to leave, you’re meant to leave. We don’t have the choice of saying “No, I want to stay longer.” The only thing we can do? Live each moment like it’s our last. I have been doing that ever since, and I've never looked back.

So here it is, my 10 steps to Live Like You Were Dying.

Step 1: Do something (safe!) you haven't done before. Never had sushi in your life? Grab your wallet/purse and go get some now! :)

Step 2: Tell the ones you care about how much you love them. One of you might or might not be around tomorrow - no point regretting things then. :)

Step 3: Learn to accept yourself for exactly who you are. The day you start loving yourself fully, will be the day you will learn to love others. :)

Step 4: Kick a bad habit! Addicted to 'Farmville'? Delete the app, and you'll realize that you'd have time to do more important things in life. :)

Step 5: Don't let that kid in you die. Go to the playground and jump on the swing, or nibble on gummy candy. You will realize that sometimes, grown-ups need a break too. :)

Step 6: Let go, and move on. Put your disappointments and anger in your past, and look forward to happiness and goals in your future. :)

Step 7: Don't settle. Dislike something in your life? Get rid of it! Go to bed in peace, and you'll find yourself waking up to a better day. :)

Step 8: Laugh, and laugh some more. Life sometimes can be depressing, but that doesn't mean YOU have to be depressed too. A smile on the face will make things more bearable. :)

Step 9: Don't be afraid to dream big. It's your dream, so don't let others decide how big or small it should be. :)

Step 10: Pledge to donate your organs. It is the biggest, most honourable gift a person can give to a fellow human being - the gift of life. :)

By Ash Greig

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=450128928554&ref=notif&notif_t=note_tag

How You Will Travel The River Of Life

Two young girls, Laukika and Samatha, set off on an adventure. Both of them had completed their formal education and before venturing into their respective samsaric enterprises, they thought of taking a break to contemplate life. And thus was born this hedonistic idea of journeying down the river.

Laukika was so overwhelmed with the river's speed, energy and her own enthusiasm that she said to her friend: "I'm going to jump into the river, Samatha, and be carried along with its great energies. Meet you later." So saying, she took the plunge, without waiting for her friend to respond.

Laukika enjoyed the initial adventure. At times the river frightened her, its strong current sweeping her along. But she dismissed her fears as she was taken up by the full flow of the river. The current carried her afar, and she could now no longer see the shore. Laukika was euphoric and wanted more of the adventure. Forever engrossed in steadying herself from the speed of her journey, she managed mere fleeting glimpses of the beauty around her.

Now, the waves got bigger, the waters deeper, the river widened, the gushing became so forceful that she was thrown about, knocked about on the rocks all over, water and sand filled her nostrils and mouth, she was being bruised. The girl panicked. "Help me to the shore, someone", she cried, but no one heard her. Those who did hear her couldn't do much, as they were not in a position to help her.

Meanwhile, Samatha had set out on foot. "I choose to walk down the river bank instead. I might be able to enjoy the vistas better this way", she had thought to herself before embarking on her journey.

Many years passed. The two friends met again. They hugged each other, happy to meet once again. They shared their experiences. Laukika admitted she did have her share of fun, but the journey had tired her out. Moreover, she felt vacant inside. There was so much she wanted to do, she said, but the sheer speed of her journey didn't permit her to take those liberties.

Samatha spoke: "I too thought for long after you left me, Laukika. I was tempted to follow you. The river looked enticing. But then, there was no hurry, either. I chose to walk down instead. I got to experience and enjoy the scenic offerings around the river. I marvelled at the sunrise and sunset that were so different each day.

The open blue sky was so re-assuring, as were the stars at night. I played with the countless birds and butterflies that filled the forest. I was tempted many times to plunge myself into the racing river – but would spend only a little time in the waters before drying myself on the warm rocks on the banks, read a book and resume my journey.

The local people who collected firewood and fruits from the forest would invite me to their humble homes. I would play with their children and share with them simple tips on improving their health before bidding them goodbye. It has been an amazing journey."

The friends sat in silence, mulling over the choices they'd made and the experiences they'd been through.

Decide yourself how you will travel the river of life.

From my email today

5 October 2010

Sent by JAKRI group

Call Centre true conversations

Travel CentreCustomer: I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?
Operator: Where did you get that number from, sir?
Customer: It was on the door to the Travel Centre.
Operator: Sir, they are our opening hours.

Samsung ElectronicsCaller: Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?
Operator: I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about. 

Caller: On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?
Operator: I think you mean the telephone point on the wall.

RAC Motoring ServicesCaller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?
Operator: Doesn't the product give you a clue?

AA Motoring ServicesCaller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?

Directory Enquiries

Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please. 

Operator: I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?

Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: Woven? Are you sure?
Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland.

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on. 

Will and Guy's Joke of the Day #173

from my email today

Failing doesn't mean...

Failing doesn't mean I'm a failure, it just means I haven't yet succeeded.
Failing doesn't mean I've accomplished nothing, it just means I've learned something .
Failing doesn't mean I've been fool, it just means I dare to try.
Failing doesn't mean I don't have what it takes, it just means I must do things differently next time.
Failing doesn't mean I'm inferior, it just means I'm not perfect.
Failing doesn't mean I'll never make it, it just means I need more patience.
Failing doesn't mean I'm wrong, it just means I must find a better way!!

Taken from Choon Ming's facebook notes